Get with the program!

I have this friend who refuses to live in the 21st century – when it suits her.
And I’m talking technology – what else? Sure, she’s got a mobile (not a smartphone) and even a laptop sitting on her kitchen bench (for the kids to ‘play’ with I suspect). But no broadband connection. Landline phone: never checks her messages. And while she used to write and respond to text messages on her brick phone, it was minimal word usage only. Often, only one word answers using minimal letter words: Yes. Ok. Confusing if you’d just written her a mini essay with multiple questions embedded within, and, quite frankly, bordering on rude.

Me: R U up for coffee today? When suits you, morning or arvo? Could do after 5 if not too late? My place or yours? Lemme know, K xx

Her: Yes.

Then we went to stage two – the late reply.  After sending my friend a text (by then, general in nature and certainly not urgent), I would often not get a reply till days later, and in the same nonchalant, too brief manner.

Me: Hi, have you read …? Will save it for you if you want, otherwise will swap it tomorrow at bookstall. Let me know ASAP.  x

Her: Ok.

Hmmm?! Quite often, these type of replies (days later, if at all) would require a follow up phone call, after waiting a purposeful 2-3 hours / sometimes days – hopeful of a response & trying not to seem too nagging – my friend would often claim to have received my text during a busy time & forgotten to reply. (Gee, thanks).

But now, the late reply is non-existent, and my follow up phone calls are even decreasing.

Yes, I often just pick up the phone & call to talk and so does my friend, but  the beauty of text messaging is to get a quick response without the pre-requisite chit chat/small talk/how’ve you been etc etc. Ok, some might call that politeness and friendliness, but when you see & speak to a person regularly, this isn’t necessary for each and every communication. And for busy people, texting is great to organize a catch up – time, place, meal/drink preference, kids or no kids – so friends can have a meaningful one-on-one, face-to-face interaction together. This, I appreciate.

So, that’s the background info leading towards my recent quandary. Now that I’m away and travelling for an extended period of time, will I ever hear from my friend? Distance calls on mobile are too expensive; emailing is not her thing; facebook - well, she’s even a FB friend but never writes on her own wall, let alone comments or likes on others. I tested out the sms thing days after we left on our trip, saying we’d left ok and I hope she got the things I’d arranged to send over to her, and how I’d miss her when I’m away. Guess what? No reply. :(

You might say, take the hint sister, give her the flick, and any other person I might. But I’ve had this friend for 16 years, I love her and her family dearly, and really appreciate her friendship. But should I not expect to hear from her till I return back home?

Please, post me some advice.. now!

To plan or not to plan

That is the question. Too much, too little? Is it necessary at all? Will planning ruin the fun & excitement of the adventure, of not knowing, or will it give us something to look forward to? Of course I could be talking about life in general, but no, there is a real adventure here.. trekking around Australia with caravan, two eager daughters just happy to be out of school and the beloved – looking for as much as a change of scenery as I am.

So, we anticipated that it would be adventurous and oh so backpacker-ish of us (as much as you can with two kids in tow), to not plan or book ahead – that is, for accommodation bookings, venues or length of stays. The only thing we’d decided on is which general direction to head: clockwise. (Oh-so unorthodox in the world of travelling-around-Australia-in-a-caravan!) But hey, adventure, right!? (Actually, it has to do with seasons, but I’m still spruiking the adventure line!)

So, back to our no-planning idea (hmm, an idea or just lazy indecisiveness??)  Adventure – yes! Well, no planning got us to week two. Going well so far.. Until we got to day three of a seven day stay in what began to look like total ‘Pension-Ville’. Seven day stay, you say? Well, the no-booking policy wasn’t tarnished, just tweaked. (Booked on the spot being swayed by their ’7th day free deal’.)  And to make this stay more depressive, add rain, crappy beach, denial of pool use due to aforementioned rain, and too long in the caravan playing board games.

We discovered on day six that only five minutes out of Pension-Ville was Cool People’s Town – with great beaches and a Very Happening Vibe. Hmmm, how did this happen?  We spent as much as the day in Cool People’s Town as we could – pretending for the day that we’re oh-so savvy for hanging around such great spots – before trudging back to Pension-Ville with our tail between our legs, nodding half-hearted evening greetings to our elderly neighbours and their furry-mutt companions.

So much for adventure and freedom – stuck in Pension-Ville for the week, when Cool People’s Town was just around the corner!  And who knows, maybe Ultra-Cool People’s Town was down the road and around the other corner. And where is that picturesque beach frontage shown in the brochures?  Well, the new rules are: research a little, look for words in travel brochures like: eclectic local hang-outs, popular surf breaks, great food and coffee; and avoid words like: charming, picturesque, so much to do; (there’s usually not!) Also, no seven- day bookings, and implement ‘take off whenever we like’ rule.

Of course, we signed up for this adventure, and we have to take the great, amazing adventures with the ordinary-bordering-on-awful (in our opinion) places. And look, we’re really not snobs. Every state, region, town has the good, the bad and the ugly, so we won’t judge or bag out too harshly. We’ll just stick with our new rules, err on the side of ‘just a little planning’, and enjoy the experience of every new place we visit. But really, we’re young, we’re on the road, and we really can’t survive much more of Daggy-Ville or Pension-Ville. Give me Cool People’s Town any day!

Can you sympathise? Got any tips for surviving the oldies or the daggy-villes of this world? Let me know..

Can you post me your wife?

I found myself posting to a friend’s  husband yesterday. I suddenly realised I hadn’t “friended” her on FB, and ashamedly wondered how I’d missed her. Her hubby filled me in by telling me that she’s not on FB due to a ‘lifestyle’ choice. Hmm, interesting. Consequently, I now know why I ‘speak’ (comment, post, like, share..?) to her husband more than her.
I understand her rebellion against online posting to friends, as a means of keeping relationships more personal, but it means you have to actually personally be in touch with your friends. Which is tricky in our situation since she’s living interstate. Don’t get me wrong, we like each other and not so long ago wrote regular long and personal emails to each other, and even travel with kids to stay with each other every now and then. But now that she’s started work again (like I never work! Humph!), there’s little time for lengthy emails, and we can’t exactly meet up for coffee once a week.

I actually feel a bit sorry for her. I see and participate in FB comments, photos and conversations with her other close friends (also living interstate from her) and feel that she’s missing out on these daily / weekly updates and antics of all her friends. There’s a whole FB world out there you’re missing, sister!

A wise friend once observed that you have to put yourself out there a bit in order to make connections and get something back. So true. So while I admit that I first joined FB only as a means of seeing what my friends were posting about and how their kids were growing, I felt a bit like I was spying until I started to leave messages thanking them for sharing their stories and photos with me. I felt good for doing this and started personalising my comments to them, but would rarely get a returned comment.  I soon realised that in FB Land I was just one of the bunch, appreciating my friends’ brag book. To get any personal connections I had to personally share myself with the world – well, my friends in FB world anyway. The more I posted, shared and liked, the better it felt, and I started to wonder why I hadn’t joined this online community earlier. Now I’m possibly hooked. I receive lots of comments from my friends who’re enjoying hearing about my weekly (sometimes daily) antics, quirks observations and happy snaps, and I feel more connected with some of them than I’ve ever been. (see Alternate Ending 1)

So, dear friend’s husband, please say hello for me, and I’ll be sure to ‘like’ your next posting.

Alternate Ending 1:

However, every time I post on FB, I can’t help feeling cheated – like I’m cheating, and cheated by my friends. Like I’m taking the easy way out by posting a few updates about myself and the fam. What about my Granny who’s not on the internet, let alone FB, and family members who still complain that I haven’t called them in a month? And then there’s the one or two friends who aren’t on FB – do they just slowly drift out of my life because they’re not addicted to online communication yet?

Is the world making us lazy with our friendships? Do we just roll with it and continue to resist it in favour of good old fashioned, friendly, caring meet and chats and letter writing? Or is FB saving our friendships? What do you think? Post me a comment, below..

That other ‘great Australian dream’..

Since deciding that this year would be ‘the year’ and spreading the news far and wide, my beloved and I have heard endless impassioned variations of “we’ve always wanted to” or “we’re hoping to one day” (do the same)… etc.. etc….

No worries, I’m glad for you. But if you’ve always wanted to and you one day will, then… just do it!  Not hard.  Quit jobs, sell house, have mega garage sale, stuff all remaining belongings into storage, pull kids out of school, jump in the caravan and hit the road!

It’s certainly the reason we’re doing it – because we’ve always wanted to. That plus, we don’t want to wait out our whole youthful, energetic (err, sort of) years just to follow the grey nomad crowd and clog up the roads with oversized house-on-wheels-RV-style ‘exploring the great outdoors’.

Don’t get me wrong, we’ve got a caravan and we like to be a little comfy – it is a whole year, we need more than a tent and two pairs of shorts each.  But not much more.  We’re also determined not to just drive from one place to the other looking out the window admiring the scenery, and only enjoying it from the comfort of our camping chairs sitting on the sturdy concrete slabs next to the toilet blocks of every caravan park with a slight beach frontage.

We’re finding it could be quite easy to fall into this trap.  Tired from driving, we spend a day checking out the town, stocking up on groceries and doing a load of washing, only to need a rest day the next day.  We see plenty of people through our travels that set up and stay for only a night or two, before hitting the road and trawling to the next seaside or outback town for another day or two. We constantly wonder what these people would be getting out of their trip. Sure, a lot of driving and R&R, but how much do they really explore their surroundings and what do they learn about the place they’re in for only a night or two?   

To avoid this trap and really explore as many aspects of travelling round the country that we can, these are the unspoken ideas we employ throughout our travels: we often stay in one place for at least a week; do as many outdoor / nature based activities as we can: bushwalks, bike trails, beach trips; avoid costly and commercialised ‘tourist attractions’; visit museums, exhibitions, local historical sites; and educate ourselves and our kids about a place and its people as much as we can.  

Have you done a similar trip yourself or are you living your dream in another way? Post your story below..