Tag Archives: friends

Get with the program!

I have this friend who refuses to live in the 21st century – when it suits her.
And I’m talking technology – what else? Sure, she’s got a mobile (not a smartphone) and even a laptop sitting on her kitchen bench (for the kids to ‘play’ with I suspect). But no broadband connection. Landline phone: never checks her messages. And while she used to write and respond to text messages on her brick phone, it was minimal word usage only. Often, only one word answers using minimal letter words: Yes. Ok. Confusing if you’d just written her a mini essay with multiple questions embedded within, and, quite frankly, bordering on rude.

Me: R U up for coffee today? When suits you, morning or arvo? Could do after 5 if not too late? My place or yours? Lemme know, K xx

Her: Yes.

Then we went to stage two – the late reply.  After sending my friend a text (by then, general in nature and certainly not urgent), I would often not get a reply till days later, and in the same nonchalant, too brief manner.

Me: Hi, have you read …? Will save it for you if you want, otherwise will swap it tomorrow at bookstall. Let me know ASAP.  x

Her: Ok.

Hmmm?! Quite often, these type of replies (days later, if at all) would require a follow up phone call, after waiting a purposeful 2-3 hours / sometimes days – hopeful of a response & trying not to seem too nagging – my friend would often claim to have received my text during a busy time & forgotten to reply. (Gee, thanks).

But now, the late reply is non-existent, and my follow up phone calls are even decreasing.

Yes, I often just pick up the phone & call to talk and so does my friend, but  the beauty of text messaging is to get a quick response without the pre-requisite chit chat/small talk/how’ve you been etc etc. Ok, some might call that politeness and friendliness, but when you see & speak to a person regularly, this isn’t necessary for each and every communication. And for busy people, texting is great to organize a catch up – time, place, meal/drink preference, kids or no kids – so friends can have a meaningful one-on-one, face-to-face interaction together. This, I appreciate.

So, that’s the background info leading towards my recent quandary. Now that I’m away and travelling for an extended period of time, will I ever hear from my friend? Distance calls on mobile are too expensive; emailing is not her thing; facebook - well, she’s even a FB friend but never writes on her own wall, let alone comments or likes on others. I tested out the sms thing days after we left on our trip, saying we’d left ok and I hope she got the things I’d arranged to send over to her, and how I’d miss her when I’m away. Guess what? No reply. :(

You might say, take the hint sister, give her the flick, and any other person I might. But I’ve had this friend for 16 years, I love her and her family dearly, and really appreciate her friendship. But should I not expect to hear from her till I return back home?

Please, post me some advice.. now!

Can you post me your wife?

I found myself posting to a friend’s  husband yesterday. I suddenly realised I hadn’t “friended” her on FB, and ashamedly wondered how I’d missed her. Her hubby filled me in by telling me that she’s not on FB due to a ‘lifestyle’ choice. Hmm, interesting. Consequently, I now know why I ‘speak’ (comment, post, like, share..?) to her husband more than her.
I understand her rebellion against online posting to friends, as a means of keeping relationships more personal, but it means you have to actually personally be in touch with your friends. Which is tricky in our situation since she’s living interstate. Don’t get me wrong, we like each other and not so long ago wrote regular long and personal emails to each other, and even travel with kids to stay with each other every now and then. But now that she’s started work again (like I never work! Humph!), there’s little time for lengthy emails, and we can’t exactly meet up for coffee once a week.

I actually feel a bit sorry for her. I see and participate in FB comments, photos and conversations with her other close friends (also living interstate from her) and feel that she’s missing out on these daily / weekly updates and antics of all her friends. There’s a whole FB world out there you’re missing, sister!

A wise friend once observed that you have to put yourself out there a bit in order to make connections and get something back. So true. So while I admit that I first joined FB only as a means of seeing what my friends were posting about and how their kids were growing, I felt a bit like I was spying until I started to leave messages thanking them for sharing their stories and photos with me. I felt good for doing this and started personalising my comments to them, but would rarely get a returned comment.  I soon realised that in FB Land I was just one of the bunch, appreciating my friends’ brag book. To get any personal connections I had to personally share myself with the world – well, my friends in FB world anyway. The more I posted, shared and liked, the better it felt, and I started to wonder why I hadn’t joined this online community earlier. Now I’m possibly hooked. I receive lots of comments from my friends who’re enjoying hearing about my weekly (sometimes daily) antics, quirks observations and happy snaps, and I feel more connected with some of them than I’ve ever been. (see Alternate Ending 1)

So, dear friend’s husband, please say hello for me, and I’ll be sure to ‘like’ your next posting.

Alternate Ending 1:

However, every time I post on FB, I can’t help feeling cheated – like I’m cheating, and cheated by my friends. Like I’m taking the easy way out by posting a few updates about myself and the fam. What about my Granny who’s not on the internet, let alone FB, and family members who still complain that I haven’t called them in a month? And then there’s the one or two friends who aren’t on FB – do they just slowly drift out of my life because they’re not addicted to online communication yet?

Is the world making us lazy with our friendships? Do we just roll with it and continue to resist it in favour of good old fashioned, friendly, caring meet and chats and letter writing? Or is FB saving our friendships? What do you think? Post me a comment, below..